however Tarzan is all upset about it! Ugh!!! He is all worried that the massage therapist is going to put lotion or oil on me, and it's not natural, so it could harm the embryos. Well first of all it will be natural. My friend Anne gave me the massage so I would relax during this difficult week, and now because of Tarzan it's turning into something stressful! I know he is just in a mood because of his godfather passing away. Why does that stuff always have to happen when we have important stuff going on? I'm not trying to sound selfish, but his aunt was hit by a car and killed 3 weeks before our wedding. Now when I need my husband the most he is so wrapped up in his grief he is unable to support me how I need him to. Not to mention the fact that he knows nothing about the therapeutic benefits of massage. Not to mention also that the woman giving me the massage used to be my nurse at my fertility clinic. She knows exactly how and where to massage to protect the embryos! I actually just typed him a note explaining the benefits of massage, and how important it is for me to relax, and am going to leave it on the counter. Hopefully he'll be home before I am and can read it. He's at the funeral home right now.
Oh and he's also still mad that I POAS'd this morning. I'm mad at myself for telling him when I knew he would be mad. He is clearly not a believer in POAS. He's a believer in wait until beta day for the doctor's call. Why didn't I remember that? Ugh! Oh and by the way - the HPTs I have are all exprired, so maybe that is why it was negative this morning.
I'm feeling very bloated, crampy and like my period is going to start any minute. So far it hasn't, and so far no spotting, but honestly every time I go to the bathroom I think I'm going to see blood. I can tell you if it is a BFN on Sunday I'm getting the hell out of my own house. I will need to go cry with my mom or Anne because Tarzan will not take it very well.
4 comments:
I'm so sorry you aren't getting the support you need right now. This is such a stressful time for you...the waiting. Try to do whatever you can to find peace for the next few days.
I am praying *right now* that your massage was relaxing. I know what it's like to get a negative test but please don't give up hope. And, for what it's worth, I lost it and cried hysterically when I got a negative and it didn't stop me from getting a postive the next day. Also, I didn't get a positive--from a very sensitive test--until the day after my beta.
I'm praying for Tarzan also. I can't imagine all the feelings you both are having. Just hold on to what you know is true.
Just hang in there a little longer. Hoping the massage helps you relax for the next couple of days!!!
so sorry this is so stressful. what awful timing with the death of family members.
I bet Tarzan just feels so helpless and powerless and that the world is shitting on his life, but he really needs to rediscover the awesome things he does hold in his hands and cherish that and be some kind of support for you if possible.
It's so hard doing what you're doing all alone. I love your dream. it shows how much you care and are concerned and will be a great mom someday.
nothing is in your hands right now. you just have to let that massage work its magic and wait. you have a whole ethernet world rooting for you!
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