Husband and I talked this morning and he is being absolutely insistent about the donor being 75 % to 100% Italian. He wants us to try to recruit one ourselves. I sent the DE Coordinator a note and told her that Tony was being a pain in the rear-end and to put our case on hold while we try to find our own donor.
I am extremely frustrated, but I'll get over it. He was the same way when we planned our wedding, drove me absolutely nuts. He had to approve every decision I made with the wedding and questioned every expense, every appetizer, every flower, etc. I signed up for this when I married him, so I have to learn how to roll with the punches. Most of the time I am just fine, but right now I am ready to punch him! This must be another lesson from God in patience. I swear my entire life has been one big lesson in patience. Nothing ever happens easily for me, never, never, never. It's always a struggle, and when I get to heaven someday the Big Guy and I are going to have a heart to heart about why he insisted upon me having to learn this lesson over and over again. Maybe I never learn it and that's the problem.
So does anyone have any ideas on how we can go about recruiting our own donor? Should I put out a post with all of our requirements and have Mel blast it out on Lost and Found? We are going to reach out to some friends we know in the Italian community, to see if they know anyone young and who meets our requirements, but I'm open to your suggestions. Thanks.
7 comments:
Are you Italian?
Nope, but I'm married to one who wants his kids to be through and through. Oh and I've already asked him why he didn't just marry an Italian if that was so important. He said it wasn't that important in who he married. He makes absolutely no sense, but I'm along for the ride.
Finding your own donor isn't as easy as it seems, but maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised, and hopefully putting the word out through friends will help. Based upon what I've read about other couples' searches, using an agency or your clinic program is definitely easier. I wish you the best of luck with the process and keep us posted!
Smile. Well I hope he doesn't take too long to get over this little phase.
He's had ideas like this before, and he's gotten past it. I hope that's the case this time, too...
Can I make a suggestion if you're going to use a donor independent of your clinic? I would consult with an attorney that specializes in family law to come up with a contract (or maybe call your clinic and see if they have any recommendations for procedures when obtaining an independent donor.) I know you know this, but there may be additional costs for testing, meds, counseling, etc. if you use a donor outside of your clinic. In fact, your clinic may actually have some requirements pertaining to an external donor.
Anyway, I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I hope you are able to move forward soon...I really don't understand why this is such a big deal to him when you aren't Italian.
I hope that Tracy is right and he gets over it soon enough!
Good luck!
I searched some agencies. The one I found the donor I like have profiles on-line and pictures. I think it's more expensive to go with an agency rather than you clinic's donors. They get a couple grand on top of what you pay the donor and in top of the IVF cycle. Plus I still have to hire the attorney to make the contract, pay her travel expenses.
Sorry you DH is making a difficult situation worse. Perhaps an other session or two with the DE counselor would help.
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