Who just turned 37 in June, who is divorced with 2 kids age 6 and 3. She has a college degree, used to work in Corporate America, but not since she got married 7 years ago (and as mentioned the marriage didn't last). She is definitely struggling financially, but she feels she needs to stay home until her youngest goes to school. She has a job that she does from home that only requires her to attend evening events every couple of weeks.
This is the friend who offered to be my egg donor a few months ago and who I turned down for several reasons, but mainly her age. I could tell at the time that she was extremely hurt. I tried to explain to her that we only had one shot at DE IVF and I wasn't willing to risk all that money on a donor who is only a few years younger than me. Plus she looks nothing like me and is 4 inches shorter, and honestly she talks so much I don't know that I could handle a child who inherited her strong personality and extreme talkativeness.
Anyway so today I get an email from her saying that she has decided to market herself as an egg donor and she has the goal of donating at least twice per year for the next couple of years. She says that even though I declined her and my clinic is very strict about age (little does she know they all are), she knows her eggs are good and she could help some infertile couple out there as well as get $5000 to $10,000 per donation. I haven't replied to her email yet because I don't want to completely burst her bubble. However does anyone out there think I'm the one smoking something? I honestly don't know any other couple who has done DE or is considering DE that would use a 37 year old donor. Unless of course you have a sister donating who is doing it for free and so you are willing to try to save some money. My friend says she is not going to go through any clinics, but rather try to market herself to couples directly. Do I just tell her good luck and then step away and let her figure it out on her own? Should I point her to some research but try not to be too opinionated? Or do I tell her what I really think? That she is wasting her time and energy?
Tell me if I am just being cynical and negative.
9 comments:
Sheesh! I find this women kind of annoying and I don't even know her.
I say stay out of it and let her figure it out on her own. I will be discussing this topic on my blog in a few weeks because I have been asked (at 41) to donate some eggs to my gay best friend.
She is delusional. As somebody who has been in the market for a donor, I can tell you I would NEVER have considered a donor that is 37 years old. No way. I panicked that the donor we ended up using turned 31 while cycling!
But I wouldn't tell her that...I'd simply step back and wish her well. It doesn't sound like she listened to you much the first time you discussed it, so trying to dissuade her again may damage your friendship even further.
I would just tell her it's nice she's so interested in helping others and leave it at that. No one will ever select her as a donor! I had a few friends offer to donate their eggs to me for free and although I was very touched by their offers, I politely turned them down due to their age.
Er, yeah. I'm not so sure anyone will want my 27 year old eggs! And unless she was the sister or best friend, I doubt a clinic doctor would even let their patient use her before he/she expressed *serious* reservations.
I think it sounds like she's a little off (ok, yeah, we all are but maybe more than most) so I probably agree with Tracy - let her figure it out on her own.
Thanks ladies, I appreciate your candor and am happy to see that we are all thinking along the same lines!
Yes this particular friend doesn't listen to a lot of what I say, so this should be actually kind of funny to watch from the sidelines.
I would definitely tell my friend "good luck" and let her learn her own lessons.
You're not being cynical at all. It sounds like you know a lot more about the process than she does. I think maybe just wish her luck and carefully step back from the situation is what I would do. It will all work itself out for her if she has limited interest either from couples or a clinic due to her age as you said. That way you don't have to be the bad guy, or the bubble burster. But I'm nonconfrontational - so that's just me. Either way, I couldn't agree with you more :-)
Wish her luck and let someone else burst her bubble. She doesn't want to hear it from you, but she'll hear it, eventually.
Definitely say good luck and step away. She will very quickly find out that she is not donor material. It's nice of her to want to help, just unrealistic.
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