Tony and I met with the social worker last night as part of the requirements for our DE IVF cycle. It went well, she gave us a lot to think about, and sent us away with a huge packet of information. We talked about whether to tell the child, and after listening to her we agree that it's best to be open and up front early on, rather than our child finding out by accident later on. One thing I hadn't thought about is this Donor Registry thing. She said that even if we use an anonymous donor, they may choose to register on this donor registry website and someday our child may be curious to find out more about their donor. However if we use a known donor (yes you know who you are and yes we talked in great length about you last night), then we certainly could be sure that our child knows who the donor is from a young age.
She explained how prevalent donor sperm and donor eggs are, and how society's acceptance of it has changed over the years. She said sperm donation started 100 years ago, but at the time it was done in total secrecy and the children grew up never knowing that their dad wasn't their genetic father. She explained that most likely our child will have classmates who were born from donor sperm or donor eggs, it is that common now even though people still don't talk about it very openly.
She asked us if we have any regrets, and we both said that sure we regret not meeting each other and getting married even 5 years ago when my eggs were still young. She asked me how I would feel being pregnant with someone else's egg/genetic material. I told her that I really don't think I'd feel any different. I'd be the one pregnant and since I haven't ever been pregnant before, I wouldn't know the difference.
She also asked us how many times we were willing to try a DE cycle, and we both told her we didn't know. At this point in time we do not feel that living child free is an option, we both really want to be parents. However if DE fails, we'll have to think about whether to try it again or move to adoption, and/or when is it time to give up the dream. We both agree we are not willing to go bankrupt to do it.
Lots of stuff for hubby and I to talk about this weekend.
11 comments:
Interesting. One step closer.
I'm so glad you guys had a good meeting. I'm sure you have a lot to think about.
I think the donor registry is a neat idea - the thought that even if you use an anonymous donor that your child might be able to find (extra?!)genetic siblings is kind of cool. Although thinking back, my siblings were kind of annoying and I really should have gotten to be an only child...
Your regret of not finding each other sooner makes my heart ache.
Thank you for posting about this. I am just strating to consider DE. Giving my eggs one more shot. I'm still caught up on the telling part. I just don't want my family or society to treat my child differently KWIM? I also don't want them to feel different. Weighty stuff. Still sifting. I'll be interested in seeing how you decide to proceed.
Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.
So happy you completed the next step in the process! I'm glad it went well. I agree there's a lot to think about when it comes to donor eggs. But I think that since you are the one giving life to that child, it would not feel much different.
I have seriously thought about embryo adoption, because then I'd still get to experience pregnancy but my hubby is not thrilled with that idea. He thinks it is too weird that I would be carrying a baby totally not related to us in any way. I think it would be much better than regular adoption because then you can ensure that you are getting the best nutrition and health care possible during pregnancy. Not all birth moms do that. It's possible that they might smoke, drink or even do drugs.
Anyway...I am just glad you are making progress and moving closer to your goal!!!
Those are all wonderful things to think about before you leap into the abyss. But, it is so wonderful that you are making progress and taking another step forward. Good luck!
Yay!! Just the fact that you are a little closer to it makes me happy for you two. I bet it is a lot to think and talk about. But there's one thing I can tell about you two from reading your blog from the beginning - it's that you two mesh SO well and you are both so smart. I'm sure you'll come to a decision in no time and you'll be happy and confident about it.
Good luck!!
I'm glad you had what sounds like a good and productive meeting...
All important tings to consider.
If you ever want to talk more about this subject, just let me know.
It sounds like an interesting meeting. I'm glad that you and your hubby are working through this process together. :)
It definitely sounds like a lot to discuss but it's a step closer to creating your family. Best of luck in the decisions you will be making.
Sounds like you guys had a good meeting and have a ton of stuff going on! You bring up questions that I never even think of. I'm so glad things are moving forward for you guys! Thanks for the kind words and yes for sure if we can find out I will share the gender. I will be so excited that I won't be able to keep quiet :-)
Firstly, I just want to tell you how terribly sorry I am for not replying you earlier about Tracy's virtual baby shower! I just sent you an email. Hope I'm not too late!
Secondly, talk as much as you guys need to decide..I know my DH hates it when I start talking and talking...best of luck to you and keep us posted!
Post a Comment