I started spotting this afternoon, which is exactly the same point in the cycle that I started spotting last time...on the failed IVF #1 in October. I was feeling really positive too and full of hope, but oh well. Donor eggs here we come! That is of course if I can convince my husband. We haven't really discussed either donor eggs or adoption because my husband is a "one-step at a time" kind of guy. However we had discussed adoption before we got married and I know he's not open to it. Maybe someday if adoption is the only means by which we will become parents, then maybe he'll change his tune. However I really would prefer donor eggs myself as the next step. I want to be pregnant, and I don't want to have to fill out all of that damn paperwork that you do in an adoption and then wait several years. Not to mention that I'm almost 40, so I wouldn't exactly be the most attractive looking mom if a knocked-up teenager were looking at profiles. Geez I'd seem like a grandmother to a 16 year old.
Then there is the question of finances. Up until now we've have insurance and although the meds were out of pocket, we were pretty much covered on the IVF. We'll be all on our own for donor eggs. We have the money, but I feel bad for my husband because I've come into this marriage with a lot of financial issues. I'm in major debt because of my business, and although that should be clearing up this year due to some things I'm working on, it's not gone yet. Our wedding cost a bundle 18 months ago, and although we paid cash for it, we are still working on replenishing the bank account for that. I'm sure my husband is going to be thrilled when I tell him that I'm going to cost him even more money because my eggs suck and I can't have a child.
I'm driving to Rochester, NY tomorrow morning for work. If my hotel has internet access (it had better!), I'll post from the road. I'll POAS probably Wednesday to confirm what I already know is true.
15 comments:
I'm sorry, Kelly. I don't even know what else to say, but I understand...all of it...adoption, money, husbands. Ugh. Take care of yourself.
Kelly,
I'm so sorry. I admire your positive attitude, even when you think it's not succesful you amaze me how you just pick right back up again. You are SO strong! Please don't feel this is all on you b/c of "bad eggs". You are both going through this and I again,commend you for your courage in trying this not once, but twice. If anyone deserves a BFP,it's you and DH. You would make the best mom and I hate that you are having to go through this!! I am in a very similar situation and my fear is how I'd feel/react if my DH and I didn't get a BFP after IVF. We are considering donor sperm and it's hard. Couldn't the spotting be implantation bleeding? Hang in there!!
Ruthie
Oh Kelly, I hope you're wrong, but that absolutely blows. I should have sent more chocolate.
I'm sure your husband is not going to see this as *you* costing him more. You are in this together and I'm sure he knows that.
If there is anything you need, please ask.
Oh, please don't think that this is "your" problem and that this is a burden. If you've been unable as of yet to get pregnant, this is an issue the BOTH of you have, not just one of you, regardless of whether it's "male factor" or "female factor" IF. Becoming one in marriage has to mean becoming one in the struggles you face too. If you both decide together that you'll use donor eggs, it's not a burden that YOU are putting on the finances--you're both doing it. I hate for you think this is in any way your fault, because that's just not how it works!
Ugh ugh UGH!! I hope that you are wrong and that somehow you are pg after all.
If not, I hope that you and your husband can talk this through and come up with a plan that you are both comfortable with. I do hate the fact that these huge decisions have to be based on financial considerations.
I hope this is innocent implantation bleeding, but I understand it's easy to think doomsday has struck once more... I hope not.
You are amazingly positive! at least THAT should show up on the stupid POAS!!
sending healthy vibes and virtual cat petting (your cats are gorgeous!!)
Try not to get too discouraged...spotting doesn't necessarily mean failure. At least that's what I've been telling myself for the last 9 weeks.
And "you" are not costing your husband. Your mutual desire to have a family is costing the two of you more than you had planned...in both time and money. But it is not your burden alone. I know you know that...but it's easy to feel the way you do.
Donor eggs may be an easy sell. They were for my husband (he sold me!) We still get to be pregnant, and they still get to perpetuate thier gene pool. Win-win!
But chin up...you may not be down yet.
Oh, I hope it is not the end. If you transferred three, maybe, just maybe, it is one or two leaving room for the one to make it? I wish I could make this easy for all of us.
Sorry about the spotting...I don't think you are out yet.
About the money....my advice is spend it and don't look back. Once you get that little baby in your arms it does not matter how much you had to spend. It just does not matter. I understand how sucky/scary it is to spend so much money but I gotta tell ya...my baby girl is worth 100 times what we spent to create her.
Amber
I am so very sorry, I really hope you are wrong!
Please don't look at it as your fault and your bad eggs. It takes both of you and you are a team therefore you both are dealing with infertility. Would you hold it against him if it were solely his sperm that were causing this? No you wouldn't so don't put yourself there. You need to be a team to get through this!!
I hope you're wrong! Really, I do. I know how hard all of this is, the waiting, the finances, the relationship etc.
Don't you wish the answer was easier to find, I never know what to do! Donor eggs, donor embryos, adoption, etc. It's so confusing.
Still hoping for good results! I'm here if you want to talk (e-mail).
Good luck!
Kelly,
We are all right there with you, praying that it's implantation bleeding. But know that none of this is your fault. I have a friend, everyone has "a friend" that had an unsuccessful IUI. She was so down and said "we wasted all that money." I said, "No, for that money, you gave it a really great shot. And be thankful that you have the means." You have a good plan with the donor eggs. Good for you to jump back in there.
Lots of love and hugs,
Hollie
Dang it! I really hope this is implantation bleeding. I am still holding out for a + for you guys.
Arg. I hate spotting! My fingers are crossed that this is just implantation bleeding!
Kelly,
I'm so sorry that you feel things don't look good for this cycle. I'm going to hold on hope for a little longer for you if that's okay. I'm so sorry that this makes you feel like you cost your husband more. You guys are in this together, and he is the luckiest man to be married to a wife as sweet and wonderful as you seem. So I hope you don't feel that way for long, okay? Just know I'm here as always, always ready to listen...
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