I saw my new niece and held her for about an hour. She's super adorable and honestly it really wasn't that difficult. No tears, no depression, just a small twinge as we drove away from their house. It disappeared shortly as we headed to a party on my side of the family; a going away party for my cousin Josh who is joining the Navy (today he ships off for basic training in Chicago). I really haven't thought about it much since.
I really think that I would be okay not having children. I mean heck, I don't have kids now and I'm fine. If it happens great, but if not, that's okay too. I'll be happy no matter what. I read blogs from some women who are depressed for years after failed fertility treatments and decide to live child free. They can't move on, and it's so depressing. Sometimes I want to scream at them to get a grip and stop thinking about themselves. Start thinking about someone else and maybe you won't be so damn depressed. I understand that grieving the loss of a dream is a process, but I do not want to wallow in self-pity for years like some of these women. I realize I'm not totally there yet as we have another try with our FET and with possible surrogacy, but if those end up not working I may be there later this year. If so, I'll deal with it, and move on.
Sorry I'm not wearing my empathy apron very well today.
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