Thanks everyone for your support. I know you are all just as disappointed as we are. I didn't tell Tarzan until about 8 pm last night because I didn't want to ruin his day. He was very upset. We still cannot believe that our donor didn't give us a single good embryo. She got pregnant 2 months after our fresh cycle last year. I still think RMA screwed up her protocol and messed up her eggs. I guess I need someone to blame other than just saying "it's not meant to be". I don't know where we go from here. I just know that I'm sick of getting my hopes up only to have them dashed over and over again. I may try Chinese herbs just for the heck of it. If nothing else maybe it will fix some of my peri-menopausal symptoms (super light periods, no libido, insomnia, etc.). I want to be happy and honestly when I'm not TTCing I am pretty happy. I know that in a few days I'll get over the bulk of my anger and move on with my life. Life is too good to waste too much time crying over unrealized dreams.
For now I'm going to concentrate on purging the extra crap in my house and getting ready to move to Chicago with Tarzan. At least we can get a smaller place now. We are definitely going to downsize from our 2850 square foot house to something much smaller. I'm sick of cleaning this big empty house and clearly we don't need 4 bedrooms. Hopefully Tarzan and I can go on vacation in September, and now we don't have to worry about me being pregnant. We can go wherever we want. I'm also going to plan a cruise with my mom this winter. I can't wait!
Oh and I apologize for my overuse of the F word yesterday.
4 comments:
You are constantly in my thoughts. Please let me know if there is anything I can do or if you need to talk.
Take good care of yourself.
You don't need to apologize for anything, it's your blog and no one was offended. I usually throw things so a few f words are much less damaging. I just want you to know you're in my thoughts. I wish there was more I could say or something I could do but I know that's not possible. I also know that you and Tarzan are going to be fine. If TTC, loss, and life have taught me anything it's that we're all much stronger than we think we are.
Oh Kelly ... I'm so so SO very sorry about your "spirit baby." (And once again, so sorry I'm late in keeping up with the latest news.)
This. Totally. Effin'. Sucks. (There, I used the same f-word. Just because it's effin' true. There I said it again!)
And you're so SO right. There's just comes a time where you get too tired of having those hopes dashed ... over and over again.
I think you're doing the right thing is concentrating on your move to Chicago. And I think it's incredible that the two of you will be together again. If there's one effin' (see?! again!) consolation to this whole unrealized dream of kids, it's that you have each other.
I know. It sounds pitifully poor in comparison to what we BOTH know we've wanted. But thanks to an incredible friend of mine ( YOU ), SHE taught me that there's always something to be thankful for. And her words of advice during my most difficult times has gotten me through the worst.
Okay, now before *I* start with my own set of waterworks ... I do have some happy news. It turns out Hubby & I *won't* be moving back to MI and we'll be staying in Chicago. So yes ... this means we are going to be painting Chi-town red with all of our sassiness!
HUGS to both you and Tarzan ...
xoxo
Em
So sorry it didn't work out this time. What a heart wrencher - getting cancelled sucks. At least it had NOTHING to do with your part of the equation, was there ANY sign that the donor wasn't responding (that they told you about?) I'd be really upset too (and I have been!)
Glad you will be joining Tarzan in the new place, perhaps things will look different once you are there. Hope the move isn't too difficult and all goes smoothly. Take care!
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