Weekend Review and Now What?

Needless to say I was very bummed when I heard my FSH level, but fortunately I was too busy to think about it much until last night. This is long, sorry.

My grandmother's memorial service went very well although I got very emotional at times and had to choke out the words. I didn't think I'd get emotional, but I did. My dad was very happy and I think I exceeded his expectations. I don't know if he thought I was just going to do one little prayer or what, but I had an entire service. I also involved my nieces/nephew, my cousin and my sister in the ceremony. They read poems and participated in a candle lighting ceremony (although it was too windy to actually light the candles - haha). One funny thing happened - apparently I was wrong on my grandmother's middle name. My entire life I thought her middle name was Louise. In fact I remember writing cards to her and I'd write to Grandma Florence Louise. Well I guess my dad didn't even know her name, because it was my aunt Pat from California who informed me that her middle name was Lucille. Oops. I'm going to print 3 new programs just for my dad, and my aunts. haha. We went to lunch at Camp Ticonderoga afterwards and they did a fabulous job. I had set up a menu with them ahead of time - drunken buck cheese dip for appetizers, then a choice of a salmon club, chicken ceasar salad, or cheeseburger/fries and then fresh out of the oven chocolate chip cookies for dessert. The service and food were fabulous - I just love that place.

Friday night I spent making cookies and getting ready for my niece's graduation party. My Aunt Pat stayed overnight at our house, and then she and Tony prepared the fruit salad that morning, and I did the mini wienies. She made this adorable watermelon basket with a handle - now I know how to do that for future parties. We drove up to Marysville and arrived about 11 AM at my sister's house to start helping get everything set up. It was a very hot day - 90 degrees and super humid. Thank goodness she upgraded the tent to the mega big tent which took up much of the backyard. My ex brother in law also brought this massive fan that blew cold air into the tent. They use it at his work and boy oh boy did it come in handy. Anyway to make a long story short it was an awesome graduation party, but we all worked our butts off - my mom, Tony, my sister, her boyfriend, my dad, my aunts, and my cousin. We had a band and they placed for about 5 hours - it was mostly 80s music and even the old people loved it! I didn't drink any alcohol during the day because it was just too damn hot, however around 8pm once it cooled down I decided to drink some wine. Well I ended up drinking a lot of wine and by 10pm I was really tipsy and got all emotional. I was crying and telling people I love them, and crying about this and that. My nieces and nephew were laughing at me because I was crying. It was quite funny. Tony had never seen me drunk in the almost 6 years I've known him (because I haven't been drunk in probably 6-7 years). Fortunately I didn't drink to the point of getting sick and falling down - I was just talkative and emotional. I was pretty tired yesterday, but not too hungover feeling - haha.

Yesterday we had to go to my in-laws for a Father's Day lunch. It was fine - I like seeing my niece and nephew on that side. They are getting old enough so that they aren't afraid of us anymore (age 4 and 2.5). I can't stand my sister-in-law, but I was too tired to even care about her disdain for me. Whatever, I just ignore her like she ignores me. I love my in-laws and that is what makes having to see her bearable.

Tony had to go back to Chicago last night and this time I cried when I hugged him goodbye. He just hugged me tight and told me it would be okay and we would just see where life takes us. I love my husband more than ever. He's so good to me. We had done some talking earlier about what the FSH means and what we are going to do now. Although I know that FSH can go up and down, let's be realistic. I've never once been pregnant and having an FSH of 21 something pretty much seals the deal on my eggs. Between the high FSH and the super light periods I'm having - I know now that I am in full peri-menopause. Plus on my ultrasound there was this huge follicle already taking the lead - it was at 15 mm on day 3! Bad sign. I don't know how long I'll continue to have periods, but my guess is that I'll be done with periods by age 45 or 46 - a full 5 years ahead of the average menopausal age of 51. We'll see.

Sure we can see what my FSH level is next month and do an IUI, but the chances are so low. Since we will be coming up on 1 year of having our frozen embryo in storage at RMA, I sent an email to the financial coordinator today to see how much it costs to have it transferred to our new clinic. If we are going to have to pay $350 for another year of storage, we may just as well pay to have it transferred now before we have to pay another year. Tony doesn't want to go back to RMA, so we have to have the embryo transferred to our new place. Depending on the transfer costs, we may do the FET at our new clinic. Again it has a very low chance of working, but we may as well try it so we know either way.