Update on last 4 months

Hello!  Those of you who don't know me on Facebook or in real life may have thought I fell off the face of the earth.  No I'm still living and breathing, but I haven't felt much like blogging and life is just now getting back to normal.  I will fill you all in!

• On November 22nd my sister called to tell me that my mom very nonchalantly told her the night before that she was going to the doctor the next day because she hadn't been feeling well, and that it could be heart problems.
• The doctor did an EKG and determined that my mom needed to go to the ER. My sister took her and my mom called me as they were driving to the hospital. I told my mom to be strong and that everything would be okay. My mom was admitted.
• November 23rd I drove the 7 hours from Illinois straight to the hospital and half way through the drive my sister called to say mom's heart cath showed major blockages. Mom was scheduled for emergency open heart surgery for Thanksgiving day. She was so serious they couldn't wait until Friday.
• November 24th THANKSGIVING DAY - My mom had a nearly 7 hour surgery to repair her mitral valve and to bypass 4 arteries, 2 of which were 99% blocked.  Yes it is a miracle that my mom was alive.  Kerry and I enjoyed the hospital cafeteria's Turkey dinner! 
• I stayed in Michigan with my mom as she recovered from her major surgery.  I worked part time in early December and then was off for 2 weeks vacation during Christmas.
• January 3rd - I took mom into the ER because she couldn't breathe. She was diagnosed with congestive heart failure, and the next day with multiple blood clots in both lungs and both legs. She was on complete bed rest for 8 days.  
• I then went on a leave of absence from work because it was very clear that I couldn't split my time between my mom and work. My mom needed me.
• After that lengthy hospital stay she had to have her lung drained again because it was still filling up with fluid.
• Finally in early February she started turning the corner and began feeling better. Woohoo mom! 
• February 15th - I finally got to go home after nearly 3 months in Michigan. It was a long time away from Tony, but I'm so grateful that work allowed me the time off to take care of my mom. She means the world to me and I could never have left her or put her into rehab to recover.  
• Mom is now doing great and is in her 3rd week of cardiac rehab. She has lost 45 pounds as well and is eating healthy!  
• I'm settling back into work and into life with Tarzan back in Chicago. The kitties were with me for part of the time in MI as well, so they are also settling back into our normal routine.  It is very nice to be back together with my hubby after spending so much time apart in the last 2.5 years. I hope we are done with that for awhile.
•  Alison, the surrogate who we didn't choose (Tarzan's fault lol) is 6 months pregnant with a baby for another couple. Although I'm mostly over the not having a baby thing, it is still bittersweet knowing she would have been an awesome surrogate for us.
• Another surrogate we didn't choose (Kellie) apparently ended up choosing a really bad Intended Mother who lied to her about being married, her age, and a bunch of other stuff. Well that surrogate, who is having the baby any day now, decided NOT to give the baby to that woman and is adopting it out to another couple. Wowsa, and I thought being dumped by our loser surrogate was bad. Heck at least there wasn't a baby already. I do believe Kellie's side of the story, but I feel very bad for the IM whether she lied or not. That would totally suck.
• I still have a lot of anger, bitterness and yes downright hatred toward our evil surrogate (don't want to even say her name).  I don't let it ruin my day or keep me depressed, but it is still there down deep.
• I'm getting more involved in animal rescue and that makes me happy. I guess it's my way of using my maternal instinct.
• It will always hurt to hear about other people being pregnant, but I think it's more about my "perceived failure" and envy that someone else "achieved" something that I didn't "get to" rather than any real desire to have a baby.  If I honestly think about it, I would rather have a 12 year old than a baby (and no Tarzan won't adopt so don't even suggest it).  I think the not really wanting a baby anymore has to do more with my age than anything else. I guess I've faced that I'm moving on to a different phase in my life and it is what it is.  The failure on my part to become a mother is something I will get over eventually.  I'm a competitive person, but competing with other people for "achieved life dreams" is not very realistic or healthy now is it? I am very grateful for everything else I have in my life - my health, my husband, my parents, sister, nieces/nephews, friends, a job, a nice house, my kitties, etc. 
• I cannot promise I'll blog much - It just doesn't appeal to me much anymore.